somebody snuck up and got me drunk
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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