The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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