i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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