Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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