the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize