he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
