why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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