my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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