My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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