She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
