sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
