I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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