The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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