The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
