Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
