I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
