No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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