His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
