I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
