why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
