Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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