i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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