Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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