Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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