i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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