yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
