I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
