Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
