Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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