i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
