i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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