Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
