I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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