you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
