i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize