he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
