If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
