arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
