Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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