You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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