Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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