Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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