Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
