Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
