i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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