CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
