The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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