1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
