What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
