I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
