Your face is a jimmy john
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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