my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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