how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
