Is it normal to miss your booty call?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
