the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
