I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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