He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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