My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
