she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
