if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
