i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
