This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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