dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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