apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
