I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
